Chapter 55

There were plenty of excuses I could have made in a situation like this.

That I’d overeaten on sweets and felt a little queasy. That I was curious about the garden landscaping. That I simply wanted a short walk, and so on….

But in that moment, I felt an impulse to tell him the truth.

I didn’t know why. Maybe it had simply been too long since I’d talked and laughed with someone—since I’d found common ground with another person. Maybe I just wanted someone, anyone at all, to listen to me.

“I don’t… want to associate with the nobles.”

At my words, the man’s eyes widened. Then he burst into hearty laughter.

It was such an easy, pleasant sound that I could tell he genuinely found what I’d said amusing.

“There are plenty who love nothing more than gossiping about others.”

He spoke as he settled onto the seat beside me, leaving a polite distance between us.

The goodwill in his blue eyes—so vivid as they met mine—felt unbearably precious. I couldn’t look away.

“I’m not particularly fond of parties either. It’s far better to have deep exchanges with a small circle of friends.”

I didn’t have a single friend to exchange anything with, but I nodded along as if I did.

“That’s absolutely right.”

We sat side by side, gazing up at the night sky, chatting about this and that.

There were many points where we seemed to understand each other. Perhaps I was mistaken. Perhaps he was simply humoring me.

Either way, he was a rare person I could truly talk to—and it had been so long since I’d spoken with someone like this that I found myself growing a little giddy.

And because of that, I forgot the very first rule of my life: Never open your heart to just anyone.

“I’ve never made a single good friend at a social party. Not once.”

“Neither have I. Everyone’s too busy sizing each other up….”

“Isn’t it unreasonable that wealth and power become the measure of a person’s worth?”

“Exactly. I also think that kind of mindset… makes it hard to grasp the essence of life.”

How long had we been talking like that?

The man looked into my eyes and asked casually,

“Come to think of it, we’ve been chatting without even exchanging names. May I ask yours, my lady?”

“Ah, I’m….”

Without realizing it, I averted my gaze and hesitated.

It was only proper to give my name—but when the moment came to reveal who I was, I faltered.

What if he turned cold like everyone else?

A senseless fear rose in me. Still, I couldn’t lie about who I was. I lowered my head and answered,

“I-I’m Muriel Tierney….”

The words slipped out in a voice as faint as a mosquito’s buzz. I wasn’t even sure he’d heard me.

I didn’t dare lift my head, only stealing a glance at him from the corner of my eye. From this angle, I could see no higher than his jaw.

He remained silent for a long time. As the ominous premonition swelling in my chest grew heavier and heavier, he finally spoke a single word.

“Ah.”

“…….”

I felt the chill in the air shift in that instant.

When I slowly raised my head, I met eyes that had gone cold and sunken.

My heart plummeted.

As I parted my lips in confusion, he gave me a smile as cold as winter rain.

The meaning behind that expression was unmistakable.

He, too, had heard the rumors about Muriel Tierney.

And he believed them—completely—misjudging me because of them….

I sucked in a sharp breath.

My heart pounded violently, as if it might burst.

“So you’re the daughter of the Tierney family.”

His tone had shortened, grown curt. There was even something like hatred in it. Without realizing it, I stiffened.

That someone who had shown me kindness—after so long—actually despised me… it struck harder than I’d expected.

“You don’t know who I am?”

“I….”

I had never attended social events. I had never studied the genealogies and portraits of the nobility. My knowledge was painfully limited.

There was no way for me to know who he was.

I fidgeted anxiously with my hands.

“I’m sorry. I only recently began making public appearances….”

“Ah.”

He let out a quiet exclamation, as if that explained everything.

The words that followed were laced with open mockery.

“I’ve heard all about you. The precious jewel raised so delicately within the Tierney family.”

“…That’s not exactly true.”

The protest slipped out sharp, edged with emotion.

Hadn’t we been speaking so pleasantly just moments ago?

And yet, the moment he heard my name, he changed completely?

I couldn’t understand it. Judging someone based solely on rumors.

Whatever he made of my indignation, he only sneered as if he found me laughable.

“Impressive. You’re quite the accomplished liar. Perhaps others wouldn’t know—but there’s no way the daughter of the Tierney family wouldn’t recognize me.”

“Who are you? I really don’t know.”

My voice trembled with emotions I couldn’t contain. I felt wronged, bewildered, deeply disappointed. My whole body shook. My eyes burned.

The man who had been glaring at me with contempt rose like a specter, eerie and distant.

His blue gaze brushed past my shoulder, skimming over the edge of my coat. He crooked one corner of his mouth and spoke in a frigid voice.

“You don’t need to return those clothes. Throw them away. Burn them. Do as you please.”

“…….”

“I’d heard the eldest daughter of the Tierney family was vicious, but I didn’t realize she was so foolish she couldn’t even remember a name. Especially the name of her enemy.”

I had been biting my lip. At the word enemy, I froze.

For several seconds, as I tried to process it, a dreadful premonition crushed down on me.

Enemy.

Of the Tierney family….

“My name is Raul Winterberg. Surely you won’t claim you didn’t know that.”

“…….”

“I hope we don’t cross paths like this again.”

He gave me one last look of disgust, then turned sharply on his heel and walked away.

“…….”

A fierce gust of wind swept in from somewhere, scattering the fallen leaves at my feet.

I couldn’t move, as if nails had been driven through me into the ground.

Only after the moon had tilted far across the night sky did a hollow, self-mocking whisper slip past my dry lips.

“Ha….”

My luck really is shit.

It was ridiculous. And miserable.

---

“…This is fucking awful.”

The moment I opened my eyes, I muttered exactly what I felt.

So that’s what they meant by a ‘core memory’? It was the memory of the day I first met Raul?

‘Automatically synchronized?’

What the hell kind of ominous term is that…?

‘Coins aren’t the problem….’

Haaaah. A heavy sigh escaped me.

‘Thirty-four percent? That’s pretty high….’

This is bad. This feels bad….

Am I Muriel—or is Muriel me? Is it going to get harder and harder to tell?

‘Is this the butterfly dream? Am I Zhuangzi? Or the butterfly?’¹

I shook my head vigorously and stretched. My stiff joints popped audibly.

My chest felt tight. My throat was parched. I walked over to the table and poured myself a glass of water.

Then, suddenly, I remembered the lemon water Lycian had made for me.

“…….”

I set the cup down and stood there, rooted in place, biting my lip.

What is this feeling?

Even if it was just a dream, seeing Raul left me unsettled. And with no one by my side, I felt strangely hollow….

I trudged over to the sofa and collapsed onto it. Leaning back against the cushions, I stared blankly into empty space.

I stayed like that for a long time. Then, all at once, it hit me.

Right now—no, from the moment I first opened my eyes—

I wanted to see Lycian. Desperately.

“…If I miss him, I’ll just go see him!”

I shot to my feet and shouted. Without giving myself time to think, I strode toward the door.

I wanted to shake off this gloom completely and claim something solid to believe in.

Proof that this life was entirely different—that I was carving out a new path.

Lycian is by my side.

And the foolish Ninabel.

Dante, Daphne, Allen, Mikhail… the people of the Veratis Guild, too.

‘So don’t let the past hold you back, Muriel.’

It was something I was saying to ‘Muriel’—and at the same time, a vow to myself.

I flung the door wide open and ran out without hesitation.

I don’t know how far I ran, legs pumping steadily.

At the far end of the corridor, I caught sight of Lycian talking with the guild members.

“Lycian!”

“Muriel?”

The moment I called out, he turned. I dashed toward him like an arrow and threw myself into his arms.

The warmth only he could give wrapped around me, holding me close.

---

Footnotes

1. A famous anecdote from Zhuangzi, where he dreams he is a butterfly, then wakes up and wonders whether he is Zhuangzai who dreamed of being a butterfly, or a butterfly now dreaming he is Zhuangzi. Said to express the uncertainty about what’s real or who one truly is. ↩