Chapter 4-5

Several days passed.

She stopped going out. Instead, she returned to her old routine. The people around her sensed something and watched her carefully, curious but silent. She had once buried herself in work to forget Ruelne’s face—but this time, she couldn’t even manage that.

So she took a complete holiday.

“Good! How long are you going to cling to work? Take a break, have some fun! Why don’t you come to banquets or sponsorship gatherings anymore? What—did you get tired of that young duke?”

Lying down, Jane let out a faint, crooked laugh at the memory of Camilla’s words.

Apparently, her feelings had been painfully obvious to everyone around her.

Embarrassing. Hollow.

She had been the only one unaware.

‘To think my first love would arrive like this….’

She covered her face and groaned.

If she closed her eyes now, Ruelne would appear in her dreams. And like that one time, he would kiss her, his hands roaming—and then sliding lower beneath her skirts…

“Haah…”

Jane’s hand drifted between her thighs before she pulled it away and buried her face again.

If you’re going to give up, then don’t indulge in such filthy fantasies, Jane Shirley.

Time passed indifferently. In the meantime, Ruelne sent letters to the address she had given as ‘Jena’—but she didn’t read them. It was the first time she had ever left his letters unopened.

‘I made up that name, and yet it feels awful—like he’s being kind to some other woman.’

If she wished, she could find out who the noble lady rumored to be engaged to him was.

But she didn’t.

Because, in truth, she felt she might use her overflowing wealth to tear them apart.

It was serious. Terminal.

Then, after several more days, she received a letter.

Amazingly, it was addressed not to ‘Jena,’ but to ‘Jane’—the one to whom he had said he would stop writing.

Jane swallowed and carefully opened it.

And—

He wrote that the engagement was proceeding, that she should forgive him for still being unable to offer congratulations—and asked her to attend his graduation.

‘So much time has passed already.’

Jane turned her head toward the window, biting her lip.

His earnest plea was heartbreaking.

But her answer was decided.

She would not go.

---

The next day.

Jane let out a sigh.

The tight-fitting dress felt uncomfortable—but here, today, it was the best way not to stand out.

She had hoped for clear skies, yet a fine drizzle fell. Bianca had mentioned a superstition: when it rained at a Cademel graduation, the graduates would achieve even greater success. If it helped Ruelne, then at least that was something.

Yes.

‘You said you wouldn’t come, Jane Shirley.’

And yet she had.

Unable to resist, she came to the ceremony—though she lacked the courage to stand openly at the front and instead lingered at the back.

Cademel’s graduation was not merely a student affair. It was a battleground for sponsors, trading companies, and firms eager to snatch up promising graduates. Camilla and Max, as company heads, never missed the graduations of prestigious schools. They might well be somewhere here.

If they saw her, what a spectacle that would be.

The ceremony took place on the vast lawn before the school. The graduates were all seated.

Jane didn’t have to search long.

“Will the student representative, Ruelne Scharnhost, please step forward.”

He was the valedictorian.

Dressed in the graduates’ uniform, Ruelne looked breathtaking. The youthful softness she had first seen was gone.

Jane clutched at her restless chest.

She could no longer deny it.

This feeling—this was affection.

No. It was love.

Speeches and congratulatory addresses followed, the ceremony stretching on, but Jane couldn’t take her eyes off Ruelne’s distant back.

Did he know?

That the tall lady he had so desperately begged to see in his letters was here.

However, even if they brushed past each other close enough to touch, even if they kissed while calling each other by different names, they were nothing to each other.

Jane had decided that herself.

‘I know it’s time to let go. I know, but…….’

Though she told herself she should leave, Jane stayed until the very end of the graduation ceremony.

At last the official proceedings concluded, and she watched as students swarmed toward Ruelne. She had expected him to be prickly, aloof—but among the classmates rushing up to him, he broke into a soft, unguarded laugh. It was a defenseless smile. One she had never seen before—the smile he wore with friends.

A sharp throb ran through her.

Jane placed a hand over her chest. The silk gloves she had worn for formality were soaked through with sweat.

Only now did she truly understand.

She had never had a school life like Ruelne’s.

That was why the mundane stories he’d sent in letters, written as if they were a bother, had amused her so much. At his age, she had lost her parents and her grandfather. Once the pillars of her world were gone, she had simply drifted. Life had been nothing but money and work. She already possessed more wealth than most, and yet she kept expanding it. Sometimes it all felt hollow—absurd, even.

There were good people around her—Camilla, Bianca, Glen—but they were all busy, and Jane herself never took care of herself either.

Whenever Ruelne described his daily life, she sometimes imagined what it would have been like if she had attended this school too. Cademel separated its boys and girls, of course—but in her imagination, they walked the same campus grounds. She was certain of it. If we had met as classmates at the same age, I would have fallen for you.

‘Isn’t that still true now?’

A deep sadness welled up inside her. She could never reclaim her own lost years, but for Ruelne—who had known a bright and happy youth—countless radiant days still lay ahead.

And so she realized.

Ruelne.

He was…… a page of youth she herself had never had.

Jane couldn’t leave, even as students trickled away one by one, even as families and admirers gathered up their own. Even after Ruelne had departed, she stood there for a long while, unable to take her eyes off the place where he had stood—where he had received his award as representative of the graduates.

‘Let’s go.’

Suppressing the bitterness, she turned away. This would be her first and last time coming to Cademel. In truth, without Ruelne, she would have had no reason to set foot here in her entire life.

At the same time, she became certain of something.

Once she ended her sponsorship of Ruelne… she would never be able to sponsor anyone again.

This was all her fault. She should have been content to watch from afar, to help when needed. Why had she gone and given him her heart as well? A heart he didn’t need—one that might even obstruct his future.

Rain began to fall.

Jane opened her umbrella and rested it against her shoulder. She had sent the carriage back, so she would have to walk a bit. In truth, she didn’t mind. She felt like walking.

She hadn’t gone far before she stopped.

Standing at Cademel’s main gate—astonishingly—was Ruelne.

He was holding a bouquet large enough to fill his arms.

It hadn’t been there earlier, which meant he must have received it from someone. For some reason, Jane was certain that someone was a woman. Even from where she stood, she could clearly hear women nearby gasping and whispering at the sight of him.

“Young master, is there truly no way to adjust your schedule after the ceremony? I’m hosting a grand party at my estate—for my daughter’s graduation.”

“Young master, this is embarrassing, but I’ve admired you from afar for quite some time……”

Ruelne wasn’t alone. Women of various ages surrounded him. The one thing they all had in common was the yearning in their eyes.

Oddly, Ruelne didn’t even respond. He stood there beneath his umbrella, dignified and aloof. He was neither warm nor kind the way he was with her.

Jane found herself grateful for the rain. The umbrella hid her face.

She walked straight past Ruelne and the cluster around him. Her breath caught in her throat—but that was all. Among the crowd were not only women, but well-dressed gentlemen and nobles too. His position became starkly real to her. Yes, his family had fallen due to lack of wealth—but the name Scharnhost still carried weight. And now there was even a narrative attached: Ruelne himself rebuilding his house.

To them, he must have been the most appealing of prospects—a business partner, or an eligible groom.

Jane paused briefly and tilted her umbrella to glimpse his face.

He was staring intently at something.

She lowered the umbrella again.

‘This is the last time.’

It would hurt. She would regret it. Her chest would ache for a long time yet.

But this is right, Jane Shirley.

He was just now spreading his wings. She couldn’t tie him down to a woman seven years his senior—his former sponsor, no less. She didn’t even believe he would accept her in the first place.

‘Well, maybe Ruelne only meant to have a bit of fun. I suppose I can be satisfied with that.’

Though she knew it wasn’t true, she pressed down on her feelings and walked faster. The rain intensified with every step. She began to regret sending the carriage away.

‘Should I duck inside somewhere and call it back? Somewhere to go would be…….’

The street had grown sparse as the downpour thickened; people had retreated indoors. Jane failed to notice she was walking close to the edge of the road.

Chwaaaash!

A carriage sped past, wheels slicing through a puddle and sending filthy water splattering over her.

“Ah……!”

Jane stood there, umbrella in hand, staring blankly.

This was the worst.

A wave of misery rose from the tips of her toes.

Why did I send the carriage away…….

But the sorrow flooding her wasn’t simply because she’d been drenched in muddy water.

She knew.

‘……If he had someone to marry. A fiancée.’

Then he shouldn’t have kissed me.

Plenty of nobles separated marriage from romance—but she had hoped he wouldn’t be like that. No—she had hoped she wouldn’t be reduced to nothing more than a source of amusement or pleasure.

Then what had she wanted?

When she kissed him. When she didn’t refuse him.

Had she dreamed of becoming his lover?

“L-Lady, are you quite all right?”

Though the rain had emptied the streets, a few pedestrians remained. One well-dressed gentleman approached her. Jane pressed her lips together before finally forcing out a quiet “I’m fine.”

She felt pathetic. It was laughable—she had money, power, the ability to obtain nearly anything. And yet the one person she found herself wanting, she could not have. She had to endure it in silence.

‘Ah, before I spiral any further, I should head back.’

She tightened her grip on the umbrella and turned. Fortunately, a branch of the Shirley Company was not far from here. She could go inside and summon someone. If she called Bianca, she would handle things.

She had just refused the gentleman’s offer to escort her and taken a step forward when—

“Please stop following her. I know this lady.”

Jane’s shoulders stiffened.

A cold hand settled on her shoulder and turned her around.

Thud.

Her umbrella slipped from her grasp.

Swaaa—

The rain poured down relentlessly.

Through the heavy curtain of water, she couldn’t believe her eyes.

A man stood before her, utterly drenched.

Ruelne—without an umbrella.

The large bouquet she had seen earlier was still in his hand.

A moment later, the flowers dropped to the ground.

Ruelne tugged at his tie with the hand not holding her, loosening it as if mildly irritated. The simple act made him seem disheveled. Soaked through by rain, he looked like a prodigal son who had wandered for years before returning home.

She vaguely noticed the hesitant gentleman retreating behind Ruelne’s shoulder, but it didn’t matter.

‘Why?’

Why was Ruelne here, without an umbrella?

“……Sir… Ruelne?”

At her fragile call, one corner of his lips crooked upward.

There was none of the warmth or kindness he showed Jena. Instead, his gaze resembled the one he’d turned on the women surrounding him earlier—disinterested, perhaps even displeased.

“Ha, ‘Sir Ruelne’ is— tsk.”

Jane doubted her ears. Had he just cursed? His expression remained cool and composed.

“Jena.”

He called her without honorific.

She flinched.

“Ah, what a coincidence to see you here…….”

“It’s not a coincidence. I graduated today.”

His reply was icy.

“……R-right. Today was Cademel’s graduation ceremony…….”

“And you came to see me.”

Her heart plummeted.

It was true.

“Th-that’s…….”

Her mind went blank. She had always thought herself strong in a crisis, but before Ruelne she felt like a fool.

Watching her unable to speak, he slowly curved his lips into a deeper smile. It bit into his face.

The bouquet at his feet brushed against his shoe.

Did she know? That these were the first flowers he had ever bought for someone in his life? The only person unaware was their intended owner.

“How long were you planning to hide it?”

Her eyes widened.

“Jane.”

The instant her true name left his lips—a name that should never have crossed them—time itself seemed to stop.

“You came to see me. And yet you were going to run away? My tall lady.”

“…….”

“And never see me again?”

How did he know her heart so precisely?

The rain no longer felt cold. If anything, she wished it would wash her away entirely.

‘How did he find out?’

Then what about all the times she met him as ‘Jena’? The kisses they’d shared?

‘He might think I deceived him……!’

She started to reach out, then abruptly stopped. Instinctively, she stepped back. The reflex of someone who had lied.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Ruelne did not let her retreat. He closed the distance she created.

His expression hardened.

“Jane.”

Should she be grateful this road was so deserted? Or that the pounding rain obscured any view from nearby windows?

“For your information, I was about to conclude the most important deal of my life today. It was all but finalized—if I’d simply shown up, it would have been done. Had it succeeded, my house would have been fully restored.”

His words were cryptic. His cold hand still rested on her shoulder—though she could feel it gradually warming.

“But I ruined it. Instead of getting into the carriage bound for that meeting, I ran here like this.”

Jane remembered him standing at the main gate. Had he been waiting for a carriage?

“It was the most important business of my life. And I destroyed it.”

She was confused.

Why had he run here?

Why appear before her?

How did he know?

“Take responsibility.”

The words slipped out before she could think.

“Ho…how?”

Only after speaking did she realize this was tantamount to admitting she had lied—that she was his sponsor. But nothing felt more urgent than his words.

If she had ruined something of his, she wanted to make it right. That was the one thing she did best.

“Will you do anything?”

“If it’s… something I can do…….”

She stammered, feeling foolish, unaware her lips had turned pale blue.

“How much are the damages…….”

“Not money.”

Ruelne released her shoulder and picked up the fallen umbrella. He held it over her, then stepped beneath it himself. His drenched face was inches away.

“This will do instead.”

And he kissed her.

Jane’s eyes flew wide, then slowly closed again.

Her lips tasted of rain. She didn’t open her eyes until the cold of his mouth gradually warmed.